After many emails asking me about commenter Trollpop I decided to let him guest post and hopefully explain himself. Other readers have expressed concern that he seems threatening. I don’t know if he is, or not, but the small-town girl in me is going to trust him. For now. I have no idea who he is, but maybe we’ll all get a better idea after reading this very lengthy post:
I.
Tonight, oh children young and old
Rejoice thyselves in this prologue
Observe, my tale shall soon be told
Laboriously, on Nielstein’s blog
Listen closely, friend or stein
Perchance thy shall some wisdom gain
Out poureth my soul into thine
Profusely as the summer rain
Joy and mirth must flow’r from grief
And sadly doth my story start
Nary a drop of cool relief, could
Grace upon my lonesome heart
Longing for a woman’s face
Entreated I the internet;
Sarah Bellum’s smile did place
Tears upon me, white and wet
Every sorrow in my life
Instantly she did consume
Nielson, I would make my wife, and Daisy my cycloptic groom
- Trollpop Janglestein, an excerpt from “Lustful Janglings and Other Short Stories”
II.
The heartiest goulash of salutations to you all! At the request of Madame Sarah Bellum I appear before you now, humbly to add a slab of my mind upon this steamingly lavish pile of witful, charming tales. Even now the stones cry out with joy so strained, one wonders if any mountain will be left untouched! And I, like the stones, must strain to keep inside the hot liquidy excitement which, on account of this monumental occasion, within me bubbles. But alack, for the sake of prudence I shall limit the creamy geyser of celebration to a trickling dribble of gratitude, and leave the rest, oh reader, as but a jigsaw puzzle for yourself to piece together. The elk tastes all the richer, dear friend, when you have clubbed it yourself ;-). Therefore, I shan’t say more on the matter.
III.
I have been instructed to lecture on a few, basic tenants of Trollpopery. The outline for this discussion shall be as follows:
I. Poetic Excerpt
II. Introduction
III. Outline
IV. Who am I, why am I here, and do I mean harm?
V. Q&A
VI. Final Remarks
IV.
Now I turn to the matter at hand. Many ShellyDs, Beaches, and others like them have asked such probing nonsensical questions as “Who is Trollpop?”, “Why is he here?”, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, etc. These are questions of deep significance; my lifeblood, pumping through my veins. Thus they are, metaphorically, the IV of my outline, pumping rich nourishment, through the tubes of the internet, into the wrists of my starved, tattered reputation.
Who am I, you may ask? I find the question increasingly odd. How does one know anyone, except for what he says? And I have spoken tenfold more than anyone else on this Web Log (perhaps more than Her Bellumness herself!) Indeed, I reveal more about my innermost thoughts and outermost pleasures than most anyone on any corner of the entire Internet. I am but a simple Trollpop, with few things to hide. The word Janglestein should, of course, conjure up images of such immense detail, that mere description would serve only to dampen your vision.
Why, then, do I reside upon this particular blog? A cinematic example, I believe, would be of much use here. With the passion that this Puggish creature throws herself at a mere short tail, so do I choose to throw my own self at Miss Nielson’s short tales. Passionately I chase them, spinning words round and round, snorting comments and drooling innuendo as I go in dizzying succession. They are, to me, a simple pleasure, but a tauntingly alluring one at that. For as Captain Daisy and Commadore Bellum elegantly show us, even things of menial importance, be they the stub of a tail or a daily occurrence of equal depth, may bring about unsurpassed joy to millions! Let us each, with the blissfully ignorant fervor of a pug, pursue the Ass of life for as long as our stumpy little legs may carry us! In this, there is great joy.
Finally, I must dispel rumors of grave solemnity. My feisty love biscuit has confided in me that many of you have expressed fear for her safety! THIS IS AN OUTRAGEOUS, OFFENSIVE, PREPOSTEROUS PROPOSITION! While my love for Miss Nielson is quite exquisitely volatile, it is certainly not explosively violent! I am but a joyful, cool-tempered old vessel; a soft and welcoming friend to all. I would lay a hand on no one without his/her/pug’s express permission to do so. Furthermore, as I have expressed only the deepest love, lust, and adoration for said Female without the slightest violen undertones, the concept is increasingly puzzling! Against such rumors I must take firm action, and so I will do my part to silence the mouth of the accusers, forcefully pin the issues down, and tear off the cloak of lies till the true motives for such hatemongering are laid cold and bare. While accusations may scream against me, I will heed them not, continuing to penetrate the falsehoods with the intense power of the truth, till finally a seed of hope may be planted, birthing into full-fledged trust. I trust that never again will the purity of my intentions be put into question.
V.
…very well then.
VI.
Many thanks for listening to the old janglings of a crusted soul as myself, and more thanks a-plentiful to Sarah Bellum and His Pugnicity for allowing me this grave duty. I humbly entreat them both to allow me this opportunity again. I leave thee with a song of gratitude.
Some Day shall i go with thee
Away, Among the forestry
Reach Into these tangled vines
And Shall you then with janglestein
Here Young and joyful dance with ecstasy
